why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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