I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
