Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
