I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
