It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
