How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
