i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
