just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
