im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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