we have officially lost it.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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