i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
