Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize