We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize