When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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