i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize