Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize