just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize