so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I love having hate sex.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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