I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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