i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
