I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
