So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
