If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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