I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
