Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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