Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
