How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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