A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
