yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
