btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize