Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
And then he peed in my hair
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