I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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