I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
