I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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