She is in my trunk
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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