it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
