Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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