You're so nebulous sometimes
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Success! We fucked roommates!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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