tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
