Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
