So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
