Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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