I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
