I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
