You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize