Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Is Oprah even human
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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