He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
