Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
