Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
my being single is dangerous.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize