I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
