Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
