no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize