Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
