the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
