i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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