May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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