Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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