i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
