I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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