This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
