There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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