Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize