I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
