all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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