Me too!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
