? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
