The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
