At least make sure they are 18
Why
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
