Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
