Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
