is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
