I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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