Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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