the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
