"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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