I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize