My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
