Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Girls should come with a carfax report
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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