oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We are two peas in an std pod
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize