Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I said "one day" and that day is not today
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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