I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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