im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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