I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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