hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
